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Personal Journey

12/31/2010

My move is symbolic of letting go of what was and embracing what is! As I bid adew to 2010 I gingerly embrace 2011. I moved from 925 sq ft to a room which measures 10 x 11.

I had to sell half of my things, donate to charity a third of my things, and the rest I'll have to donate after the move.

THere was a lot of expense to this move-- a lot of kciking and screaming andultimately letting go.

It's like coming through the birth canal. I don't know what is on the
other side. This life had so many challenges---my mind goes to "now
what?"

A 30 day personal journey to…

12/30/2010

Day 30

Oh, those old haunting habits that make us want to join the circus or hide in anyway we can find---they tug at us. What if we decided to wait them out?

Of course the old instinct is to run, blame, deflect---what if we stopped in mid-stride and took a breath?

I love to be in control and in these changing times I’m discovering I can’t control a thing. So, why torture myself with the old behaviors--- why not do my best to shift and “try” a new behavior?”

KC: Even though I can’t predict the future based on the past I choose to catch myself when I can and love myself through it all.
KC: Even though I can’t control a thing right now I choose to exercise my “trust” muscle and love and accept myself.
KC: Even though life seems unmanageable at present I choose to trust that I will be okay and believe that Source and my Team want the very best for me.

EB: I hate not being in control
SE: I just want to run away
UE: I can’t trust anyone
UN: I’ll be stranded out in the cold
CH: I’ll fail if I don’t have a plan or try to manipulate
CB: It’s scary to trust
UA: I don’t want to trust in the unknown
TH: What if I don’t have guides, angels and archangels and the such

EB: But what if I do
SE: But I can’t see them
UE: But I haven’t been homeless yet
UN: But I’m not living the way I want to
CH: That’s just an old story line you bought into from TV and society
CB: But I like the happy ending
UA: You are here to learn about relationships and that takes change
TH: You have to engage in life and that takes spontaneity

EB: Leaps of faith
SE: Trusting
UE: Rewards
UN: Shifting into trust
CH: Choosing to believe in the process
CB: Standing firm and connected to Source
UA: Breathing and grateful to be alive to see this shift in consciousness
TH: This is better than running away--- what an adventure

Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth- ahhhh

UE: I choose this adventure and want to see it through. I want to shift my perspective from fear to freedom. The freedom of letting go and trusting--- what a great experience if I let it be one. Sounds creative?!?!?!

I move tomorrow and the post might be late depending on the internet connection. Just in case have a Great time tapping farewell to the old.

A 30 day personal journey to…

12/29/2010

Day 29

Sometimes our feelings can OVERWHELM us to the point when we want to go into “fight, flight, or freeze” mode. Often it is the result of an earlier trauma that we remember or don’t consciously remember. This move is triggering that in me and I can’t pin-point the reason why.

Let’s see if this will help take the edge off so I can get a few things accomplished.

KC: Even though I have this anxious and overwhelming feeling in my body--- I can feel it in my stomach, shoulders and even in my brain---I deeply accept myself anyway
KC: Even though I maybe in my fight, flight, or I feel frozen right now ---I deeply accept myself anyway
KC: Even though I suspect I’ve been triggered and unconsciously I’m ready to run, fight, or freeze--- I deeply accept the part of me that knows how to feel this way because it learned this behavior to save my life

EB: my fight, flight, or freeze feeling
SE: all the reasons conscious or unconscious that I feel these sensations in my body
UE: all the ways I get triggered in my day
UN: or at work
CH: it might be about my past
CB: it could be anything in my life that scared me
UA: I don’t HAVE to know what is causing it
TH: I honor how my body feels

EB: and right now my body is feeling triggered
SE: and it has nothing to do with the present moment
UE: what if it’s about something from my past
UN: something scary
CH: maybe I was a lot younger
CB: and my body is reacting to that
UA: it’s locked into my body
TH: it’s locked into my muscles

EB: and even my breathing is being affected
SE: my body that saved me back then
UE: and it’s saving me right now
UN: whether I need it or not
CH: thank you body
CB: but it’s okay to relax now
UA: that was then and this is now
TH: I AM safe and secure

Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth- ahhhh

CB: AHHH, that’s better- we are safe and secure right here---right now

A 30 day personal journey to…

12/28/2010

Day 28

Shifting my perspective is a process requiring forgiveness and patience. It can be a bit of a brain tease and frustrating. It’s worth the effort because on the other side is a peaceful feeling.

KC: Even though I slip and forget that struggle is an illusion and that I really am okay no matter how it looks on the outside. I honor my struggle and love and accept myself.
KC: Even though the struggle seems real I know it’s just a game and I can choose to have fun with it.
KC: Even though I feel overwhelmed I know I am divine love and can choose to flow with the energies.

EB: Getting glimpses of peace
SE: Getting glimpses of freedom
UE: Getting glimpses of new possibilities
UN: I sure want more of that
CH: It’s a matter of shifting my perception
CB: It’s an old habit to look at what I don’t have
UA: I have a strong body
TH: I have a desire to change

EB: I choose to remember my goal
SE: I choose to let go and let my team guide me
UE: What would love do
UN: Love would be gentle and kind and understanding
CH: Love would smile at my slips
CB: Love eases into solutions
UA: I choose to let it be easy
TH: I choose to relax and see where I am guided to

EB: Everything is for my highest and best good no matter how it looks
SE: I am doing my best at all times
UE: I am remembering to focus on the good more and more
UN: I am so grateful for how this shift feels
CH: It is energizing
CB: It is alive with possibilities
UA: I might have to disappoint some people
TH: It will be okay

Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth- ahhhh

CB: I have to be willing to make mistakes and learn from them

A 30 day personal journey to…

12/27/2010

Day 27

Just when I think I’m out something happens to try to suck me back into the drama. The spiral up can be a challenge.

You struggle to set boundaries, to stand firm in your freedom and direction. Then it happens---that drama-person(s) who tries to get you to “react” to “defend” or “explain” yourself. That insane loop of Logic that really is Insane.

The guilt, the resentment, the irritation of why does this keep happening? You moan that you just want to live your life in peace. It’s hard to not react and engage with these toxic people. Yet, by letting them think they have won or gotten the last word in is often the road to peace and up the spiral to freedom.

KC: Even though I severed my ties with this person here they come again. I acknowledge my frustration and anger and love myself enough NOT to respond.
KC: Even though I know I’m right and they are wrong I acknowledge that if I react the roller-coaster will continue. I love myself enough NOT to respond.
KC: Even though I’m creating this test to see just how committed I am to my ascension I honor how difficult it is and love and accept myself.

EB: Why must this person stir things up
SE: Why do people have to have the last word
UE: Why do I have to deal with this again
UN: Why can’t they see
CH: It took me decades to see the light
CB: I still make mistakes
UA: I still slip
TH: Guess I need to have some compassion

EB: They can’t help themselves
SE: I’m not the right teacher for them
UE: I tried and learned that they are still stuck
UN: I have to accept where they are
CH: It really has nothing to do with me
CB: That’s just the way they move through the world
UA: I can just smile and see them as a child who just doesn’t “get it”
TH: Acceptance for where we all are

EB: I want people to accept where I am
SE: If they can’t or won’t it isn’t a reflection on me
UE: We are all on different rungs of the spiral
UN: Letting them be where they are
CH: Being okay with the process
CB: Trusting I am being taken care of
UA: Trusting my Team will lead me where I need to be
TH: Trusting

Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth- ahhhh

CB: Trusting that I am on the right track to exit the illusion of the “struggle”

A 30 day personal journey to…

12/26/2010

Day 26

Packing---I swear the stuff multiples over night. It’s overwhelming.

I’m moved so much in my life and the triggers are up.

KC: Even though I’ve been through this before it doesn’t make it any easier. A part of me is addicted to the stress. I honor this insight and love myself anyway.
KC: Even though it’s a form of abuse on some level on another it is clearing and I honor both aspects.
KC: Even though it is a stressor I honor that I have these insights and choose to change my future behavior.

EB: All this stuff
SE: I resent giving stuff away
UE: I resent having to pay someone to move
UN: I resent having to pay a storage unit
CH: At my age I’m embarrassed that I don’t have a home to call my own
CB: It’s a pattern
UA: I don’t like the pattern
TH: I choose to change this patter

EB: I choose to start the New Year with a new energy
SE: One of abundance
UE: To find the perfect place for me to spend decades in
UN: The perfect place to run my business form
CH: The perfect place for me to thrive
CB: A lot can happen in a year
UA: I choose to put an end to this abuse
TH: I choose to allow the energy of a secure living space to manifest

EB: Embracing the energy of flourishing
SE: Embracing the energy of security
UE: Embracing the energy of belonging
UN: Embracing the energy of change without moving
CH: Embracing easy and effortless
CB: A sense of belonging
UA: A place to flourish
TH: A place to commune with my A-Team

Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth- ahhhh

CB: This move will be a period of transition and birthing. ---on my way to finding a home.

A 30 day personal journey to…

12/25/2010

Day 25

Trusting! I am trusting my A-Team to see me through any feelings of overwhelm, disappointments, fears, and worries. The holiday season can bring with it a myriad of feelings---good and bad. It can bring up loneliness and victim stories and throw us off balance.

I am so grateful I have my A-Team of guides and angels and archangels that I believe in to help me. I am so grateful that I am calling on them more and more to help me.

I am so grateful that I am alive at this time in history. To see the end of the 26,000 years of strictly 3D reality--- how exciting.

KC: Even though holidays can bring my vibration down I trust that my A-Team will pull me up and out of any pity-party or re-stimulation. I love them and myself.
KC: Even though I’m alone physically I’m surrounded by my A-Team and we are a collective love bunch. I love and cherish them and myself.
KC: Even though in the past I wallowed--- I am so grateful for new friends and the warmth and comfort of my A-Team.

EB: I am trusting that I am not alone
SE: I am trusting my Team has my back
UE: I am trusting that a miracle is on its way
UN: I am trusting that all will be okay
CH: I am grateful for all the money I have
CB: I am grateful for all the money that will come my way
UA: I am grateful for today
TH: I am grateful for my strong body

EB: I am grateful for my faith
SE: I am grateful for my willingness to let go
UE: I am grateful for trusting the process
UN: I am grateful for my walks
CH: I am grateful for my mental faculties
CB: I am grateful for my talents
UA: I am grateful for miracles small and large
TH: I am grateful for today

EB: I am grateful for a hot shower
SE: I am grateful for a warm cup of tea
UE: I am grateful for a warm bed
UN: I am grateful for all the “things” I still have
CH: I am grateful for all my struggles for they led me to my A-Team
CB: I am grateful I hung around for the clouds to lift
UA: I am grateful for like-minded supporters
TH: I am grateful for ME

Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth- ahhhh

CB: I am grateful—Thank you Source for filling my sails and blowing me in the right direction. I can see the shore and I am grateful for the voyage. I love you!

A 30 day personal journey to…

12/24/2010

Day 24

Gratitude! I thought I was alone and then I let 2 strangers help me with a chore. I twisted my ankle and was so grateful that I hadn’t thrown away my ace bandages. I was grateful that I had enough money to move.

I found I was grateful for the money I have. Right here and right now! Instead of focusing on the lack in the months to come I have money today to buy some food, move, and rent a room.

KC: Even though my habit is to look to the future---that’s what I was taught---to plan ahead---look ahead. That throws me into fear, guilt, and feelings of failure--- I acknowledge this and love and accept myself anyway.
KC: Even though Lack is aplenty I choose to focus on what I have right now.
KC: Even though my habit is to focus on what the world labels me- I honor those feelings and love and accept myself.

EB: I don’t have enough money
SE: I always have to go it alone
UE: I always fall short of the mark
UN: DO I?
CH: Two strangers helped me in my moment of need today
CB: Two little angles to remind me to have faith
UA: I have money from the things I’m selling to buy some food
TH: I have money to move

EB: Today I am okay
SE: Today I have some money
UE: Today I am in abundance
UN: Wouldn’t it be nice to have the freedom to pay my bills
CH: Wouldn’t it be nice once I move to feel secure and to blossom
CB: Blossom and abundantly manifest financial abundance
UA: Today I experienced miracles
TH: I believe in miracles

Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth- ahhhh

CB: accepting miracles--- planting the seeds of miracles---I thank you for all the good things I have and all the good things to come--- So be it and so it is--- with thanks and with full faith

A 30 day personal journey to…

12/23/2010

Day 23

I’m realizing how I take out my frustration on myself physically. I slam my fist down. I’ve slammed down mousses and broken them. Today I hurt my Karate Chop point. Why? Because I was frustrated---people not getting back to me, not enough money to have a faster internet connection, the incessant rain--- and so my excuses go.

KC: Even though I’m frustrated and my habit is to take it out on myself. I acknowledge the struggle and love myself anyway.
KC: Even though my self-destructive habit is now to physically hurt myself. I honor how I am changing and love myself.
KC: Even though I’m not binging on food or cussing at myself I’m still abusive to myself and I know that the best way to change that is to love myself.

EB: I’m frustrated
SE: I don’t know what to do
UE: It’s not fair I have to do it all alone
UN: Poor me
CH: That’s right
CB: But I contracted to go it alone this time until I got the lesson
UA: I’m getting the lesson
TH: I hope I’m getting the lesson

EB: I don’t want to hurt myself anymore
SE: I don’t need to punish myself like others punished me
UE: I don’t have to isolate anymore
UN: That’s why I’m moving to be around people I know
CH: Silly Goose--- laugh at yourself when you get frustrated and slip
CB: It’s not the computers fault
UA: Other people have their own agendas and they are here to test you
TH: To show you how to relax and breathe

EB: its okay
SE: Slow and steady wins the race
UE: Be gentle with yourself
UN: Love yourself when you slip
CH: You are doing a great job
CB: You’ve overcome so many old habits
UA: This is just another one to conquer
TH: its okay--- you are worthy of love no matter what you do

Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth- ahhhh

CB: Even if I don’t feel worthy I am—worthy of love and forgiveness

A 30 day personal journey to…

12/22/2010

Day 22

Decisions mount and solutions are not clear cut. Expenses to the left and right and can’t tell the direction to take.

This move could double in price just because of the traffic time. I have to pray for a miracle. I have to pray that it will work out okay.

KC: Even though nothing seems to be working out. I love and accept my frustration.
KC: Even though I want to be there on the 31st to take my classes I’m trying to be flexible and open. I love and accept myself.
KC: Even though it will cost me more ---I need to ask what it is worth to me to leaveOC.

EB: I hate making decisions
SE: I make the wrong ones
UE: I don’t feel guided
UN: I have to pray
CH: I have a week to pray
CB: What if I mess it up
UA: It will be okay
TH: No it won’t

EB: I never moved before with actively talking to my guides
SE: It might be okay
UE: I have an A-Team that is helping me and the humans involved
UN: It might just be okay
CH: It’s only money
CB: Money is energy
UA: If I resent spending the money
TH: that will create scarcity

EB: Whatever the cost I want to start the New Year in a new place
SE: Whatever the cost I want it to all work out okay
UE: I will pray for the right solution to manifest
UN: A miracle is on its way
CH: A miracle that is for my highest and best good
CB: A miracle showing up
UA: Yep, it’s gonna be a good one
TH: I love miracles

Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth- ahhhh

CB: Life doesn’t have to be a struggle--- letting it be easy and eloquent